Aoshi sighed, eyeing the cover of the book Misao had given him a few days before. Reading it wasn't an experience he was looking forward to, but she'd insisted, even going so far as to bookmark several sections. When he'd admitted at breakfast that he hadn't even cracked the spine, her hurt silence had been nearly deafening. So here he was, preparing himself for an afternoon reading idiotic self-help tripe. His teeth ground together audibly as he read the title: How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. A muscle in his jaw began to tic as he flipped to the first page Misao had bookmarked, which revealed itself to be 26 Tips for Better Communication. I already have excellent communication skills, Aoshi thought, eyeing the list of tips with ill-concealed disgust. Shaking his head, the Oniwabanshuu okashira began stoically reading.
That's blatantly ridiculous. How can an onmitsu do his job if he's always giving himself away by being telling everyone he's there? Aoshi snorted near-silently. I've never been afraid of rejection in my life. The hair on the back of his neck prickled with mild discomfort at this untruth, a certain young woman having a tendency to make him very nervous indeed. Why? It's certainly not any of their business. Ahh... be sure you have the facts straight. Finally, something that makes sense!
The okashira arched a single, elegant eyebrow. His job was to collect information, not give it away -- not even in a few short sentences. What's all this nonsense about being open and friendly? Stealth. Hasn't this gaijin ever heard of stealth? And give away the fact that you're monitoring their activities? I don't think so! Obviously, Aoshi thought, scornful of the idea that anyone would need to have that pointed out to them. What kind of idiots read this man's books? The okashira's dark head inclined in an approving nod: flatter an informant, let him think he's got the upper hand, and he becomes a veritable font of information. Again, the elegant eyebrow rose. I scarcely get enthusiastic about my own interests... whatever they are. This again. Sharing is all well and good, but I really prefer to be on the receiving end, especially when information is the commodity. Listening is part of an onmitsu's job. I may not relate to what I hear, but I'm definitely open to hearing it. Himura I'm not. Opinions I can handle; emotional outbursts are out of the question. Four years old. The man must think his readers are four years old. What would be the point? One thing I've noticed over the years is that the opinions of other people don't generally interest me. Aoshi's strong mouth twisted in a wry smile. I'm spying on most of the people I meet, usually because they've broken the law. Looking for the positive isn't exactly constructive. Always check your facts. Explore other avenues when a source dries up. When it comes to gathering information, flattery often gets you everywhere you want to be. Blinking at the sudden change of topic, Aoshi paused to reread the sentence several times, then shook his head, baffled as to how this suggestion could possibly apply to the business of information retrieval. He was hardly going to criticize the way someone divulged the seedy details of an illegal practice! What the hell does that mean? Body language yes, but open and closed? If this gaijin is going to give advice, the least he could do is make sense! Naturally. That's part of the Oniwabanshuu creed. That sounds suspiciously like subordination. Aoshi's mouth twitched -- he'd been all over Japan; how much more out of the way could he go? That's still not anybody's business but my own. It didn't work the first time he suggested it, why should it work now? Seeing as we've already agreed that I'm not going to ask for anyone else's opinions or thoughts, it's unlikely I'll have anything of which to be tolerant. Thirty minutes after he began reading, Aoshi set the book aside, undeniably relieved to be finished with at least one section of the blasted thing. I still don't understand why Misao wants me to read it, he mused, rising to his feet with a full-body stretch. It's not like I'm going to learn anything.
NOTE: The book Aoshi is reading is real, although I've never read it myself, and intend no criticism of anyone who has. I happened across this excerpt while looking for something else, and couldn't help imagining Aoshi reading it. Of course, I knew he'd completely miss the point.
Sekihara Tae
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