Yellow:  ... so the promotions guy says, 'We want you to go to Japan and tap into the anime market.' Then he told me we'd be doing a commercial spot with someone named Rurouni Kenshin--

Kenshin (surprised): Oro?

Yellow: --and that's how we ended up here.

Red: We should've made our own plane reservations. Think about it: If it were up to us, would M&Ms be packaged in flimsy little paper bags? No. It'd be custom-designed plastic boxes at the very least. (Shaking his head in disgust:) Never trust someone who works in marketing.

Yellow (nodding glumly): I was looking forward to meeting this Kenshin person, too...

Kenshin (with extreme hesitation): Ano... I guess you could say that sessha is 'Rurouni Kenshin'...

[Both M&Ms brighten immediately.]

Kenshin (regretfully): But I don't know anything about a 'commercial spot', and I've never heard of 'M&Ms'.

[The M&Ms slump down dejectedly again. It's all very well to say you're going to be spokescandies for the Meiji Era... but what do you use for a gimmick when even its poster child hasn't heard of you? They munch quietly on rice crackers for awhile, before Yellow is suddenly struck by an idea.]

Yellow: You've never heard of M&Ms?

[Kenshin solemnly shakes his head.]

Yellow: Hey... Red? If he hasn't heard of M&Ms...

Red (morosely, staring at his feet): He won't be willing to buy any?

Yellow (slowly, mulling this over): If he hasn't heard of us... what if nobody else has, either?

Red (still staring at feet): Then this scheme is even more of a failure.

Yellow (insistent): No, really... isn't that a good thing?

[Red glares fiercely at him before resolutely turning back to his rice crackers.]

Yellow (hesitant in the face of Red's annoyance): Well... I was just thinking we're probably a lot safer here. I mean... if nobody has ever heard of us, then probably--

[Red suddenly looks up, a brilliant smile flashing across his round candy face.]

Red & Yellow (together, in chorus): Nobody will want to eat us!!

[Both M&Ms laugh in glee over this realization, Red even going so far as to say, "Let's hear it for the marketing guy!" Kenshin watches in quiet bafflement until they quiet down again, then asks the obvious question.]

Kenshin: Why would anyone want to eat you de gozaru ka?

Red (waving one hand airily as he leans back on his elbows, completely at ease): Because we're made out of chocolate.

Kenshin (surprised): Chocolate?

[Kaoru comes around the corner at precisely this moment.]

Kaoru (echoing Kenshin): Chocolate?

Yellow (oblivious to the faint note of hunger in her voice): Yeah... I'm a peanut M&M -- chocolate around a peanut center -- and he's a plain M&M -- just chocolate. Back home, everyone loves us.

Red: Too much. We're always getting mobbed by people trying to eat us. As Crispy says, "Nobody knows what it's like to be hunted for food."

[In the background, Kaoru has gone starry eyed as she stares at the sweet of her dreams. She never did get to try chocolate in Yokohama...]

Kenshin (getting nervous at the way Kaoru's licking her lips): That must be terrible!

Yellow: Tell me about it! I had an actress take a bite out of my head right in the middle of a commercial shoot one time!

[Kenshin just stares at Yellow for a minute, shocked at this revelation... and wondering if it explains Yellow's... lack of focus. A moment later, he has cause to regret his own lack of focus.]

Kaoru: Itadakimasu!!

Red: Tasukete!!!!

[Kaoru has picked Red up and is preparing to sample chocolate for the first time.]

Red: Don't! I'm dirty! I've been on a plane... would you eat something that's been on the floor?!

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono! You can't eat him -- he's our guest!

Kaoru: He's chocolate!

Kenshin: He's alive!

Kaoru: So's lobster before you cook it.

[So saying she grasps Red firmly, and nibbles carefully in the vicinity of his ear.]

Red: Help! Help! [Surprisingly, he giggles.] Hey, stop that, it tickles!!

[Eyes closed as she savors the taste of chocolate, she lets him go. He scampers away to hide behind Kenshin, the two M&Ms and the rurouni watching Kaoru carefully to see what she'll do next. Kenshin fidgets slightly at the look of pure ecstacy on her face.]

Kenshin (after a few moments): Kaoru-dono?

Kaoru (faintly): O...i...shii...

Yellow (to Red): I think she likes you.

Red (rubbing at the small bite mark on the side of his head): She's not my type. (Disgustedly:) Look what she did to my candy shell! Where am I gonna find a turtleneck out here?!

Please note: Due to timing constraints, this commercial was cut prior to airing on national TV:

Kaoru: Itadakimasu!!

Red: Tasukete!!!! Don't! I'm dirty! I've been on a plane... would you eat something that's been on the floor?!

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono! You can't eat him -- he's our guest!

Kaoru: He's chocolate!

<crunch>

[Cut to Kaoru's ecstatic expression.]

Kaoru: O...i...shii.

Sekihara Tae
tae@sekihara.dreamhost.com
September 16, 1999